Ante-Up Game

I walked into the room and saw you standing there.
You were across the room.
There was a hundred people there,
But their faces faded into pale ghosts.

I looked at you,
And caught your eye.
There was in your face the slightest twinkle
And I smiled.

Did you see my eyebrows lift,
Ever so lightly?
You were talking with someone so politely,
Exchanging the pleasantries of the day.

Your face looked at them,
But your head leaned towards me,
You turned your shoulders towards me,
And your body said, "Hello".

I began to walk across the room,
Towards you,
Away from safety,
And I wondered If you would be pleased.

Would you turn your body away from me,
Just as I arrived,
Leaving me to search for a path
Away from you?

I saw you nod your head to your companion
While your eyes searched for mine.
You moved away from her just a little,
And now your body faced mine.

And I saw your face,
With its pleasant smile.
You nodded your head;
You were still talking to your friend.

You leaned towards me as I approached,
And said, "Come join us.
I am John.  And this is my friend Louise."
Somehow, she wasn't important anymore.

You asked me how I knew the host,
And how long I had lived in the city,
And  remarked about what a lovely evening
It had turned out to be for a party.

I asked you the same,
And learned that you came to the city
After years of service
In a town 30 miles away.

You suggested that we sit down
And we did.
And now I was close enough
For you to sense the scent of me.

We began to talk and to tell stories
Of pleasant memories of our host,
Of our life in the city,
And our travels afar.

You touched the top of my hand,
Ever so gently,
As you talked to me
About your journey from there to here.

We danced and I felt your body close to mine.
And after a long while we left the party,
For quieter places,
Where we could talk about each other.

We would do this again many times.
Until I knew all about you,
And you knew all about me.
You came to know my thoughts:

About the economy and the war,
About ecology and humanity,
About religion and good manners
And about what friendship really means.

One day you took me to the zoo,
And to an old house with old-fashioned things,
To an art museum and a play,
And into the forest to hear the bird's morning song.

Then one day we talked about our hopes and dreams,
About what our lives meant to us,
And what we would accomplish one day,
And what our family would be like.

You said to me, I cannot imagine my family without you.

And I cried from joy.
You stayed beside me,
Until my heart melted and blended with yours.

Some day I will tell you where I hurt,
But not yet.
Give us some time together, O Lord,
To build the happiness we deserve.

Soon enough the day will come,
When we will share each other's grief
As well as each other's joy.
But for now, I am so thankful.

Because we love the need
We have for each other,
And the chance to be loved
As we also do the loving.

I will be tender with you,
And not give you more than you can carry.
I won't expect you to meet all my needs,
and to make my life worthwhile.

I will give to you my best,
And sometimes,
When I feel really safe,
I will be vulnerable with you.

I believe our love grows stronger,
As we begin to hear each other.
We have come to know what hurts and why,
There is patience for the inward cry.

We loan each other courage
As the day fades into night.
We bring a light into the darkness
Until we each can heal the pain.

We look to God for Wisdom,
For strength to love anew,
So He gives us grace for living,
A life of love and Joy!

© Copyright by Nancy Carter, LCSW, ACSW
Movies that Illustrate the
AnteUp Game Method of
Communication

Foul Play, with Goldie Hawn
and Chevy Chase, comedy.  
Look for the continuous errors
in interpretation of words and
statements that create
misunderstanding and comedy.  
Note the errors in courtship
approach made by Chevy
Chase in the beginning of the
movie.

Shall We Dance, with Richard
Gere and Susan Sarandon,
drama.  
Note the relationship
development between Richard
Gere and his fellow dancers, and
the misunderstandings that lead
to further intimacy with his
wife.

On Golden Pond, with Jane
Fonda, Peter Fonda, Katherine
Hepburn.  Note the
development of intimacy
between the characters

Unconditional Love depicts a
number of relationships that
improve gradually through more
effective presence and safety in
communication.

Beauty and The Beast, Walt
Disney Animated Film.  
Look for the development of
empathy and ability to respond
that is demonstrated in the
relationship.

Pinocchio, Walt Disney
Animated Film.  Look for the
young child's inability to
accurately assess relationship
cues, and his subsequent errors
in conversation and action
This poem explains
the AnteUp Game
as it describes a
new courtship that
blossoms over time
into committed love.


The principles
described are
consistent with
the description
of a developing
relationship
described in
the article,
Winning at Love.

The AnteUp Game
is therefore used in
two ways:

1.  In every
conversation to
ensure safety and
engagement

2.  In a relationship
over time, as levels
of intimacy increase
gradually.

3.  We learn to be
really present with
one another.

For explanation
about how to learn
the Ante-Up
Game method of
communication,
read the website
articles such as the
AnteUp Game
Intro, the AnteUp
Game Method,
and other related
subjects referenced
on those pages.   
The AnteUp Game Poem