| ANTE-UP GAME METHOD LEVEL 1 OPENING LINES Small Talk that is Strictly Impersonal |
Guidelines for Maintaining Poise in a Difficult World: Print Article
Know that there will always be people in your world who will make
your life more challenging and difficult. Know that there will always be
opponents. Some will be persons of good will; others will be your enemies.
Never ignore an enemy or his/her actions. Stay aware and learn the
appropriate response. Each action of an opponent is an opportunity for
meaningful thought and action for a person of integrity. The outcome of the
spiritual/moral lessons gained will include self-knowledge, self-mastery and
self-enhancement. It will also be true that you will provide inspiration to
others with troubles greater than your own, and thus your discomfort will
mature into meaningful service.
Remember that your actions are part of your own self-development.
You are always creating yourself, with each act and with each decision. Thus
you must respond to others, not according to their motives or actions, but
according to the dictates of your own conscience and self-ideals.
Measure all statements for truth. Respond to truthful statements no
matter who says them. If twenty statements are made, and only one is
truthful, then respond to the truth. Be aware of the other statements, and
know that the appropriate response to them is disinterested acceptance.
To Love is to invest energy in the best interest of another person.
We are all part of a whole, and what is truly in the best interest of one is also in
the best interest of the whole. Therefore, when surviving a difficult
environment, make all responses consistent with the best interest of the
spiritual essence of the other person.
Wherever we invest energy we receive a return on that energy.
The matter receiving our investment is strengthened, and the energy
compounds and grows. Energy invested in gossip brings more gossip,
and still more energy will be invested in gossip. Energy invested in truth
brings more truth. Energy is never depleted; therefore it must be invested
wisely, in terms of outcomes desired.
Whenever a lie is spoken, turn the head or body away from the
speaker for a moment. The movement shows that you are aware of the
untruth, but affirms to your inner "self" that you do not believe or accept that
statement. Say nothing about your disagreement, unless you are dealing with
a reasonable person.
If meanness is expressed, look a few seconds into the eyes of the
speaker, then look away and address another person or issue. Your
action indicates to all concerned that you are aware, you are not afraid, but
you find their statement uninteresting and unimportant. Say nothing unless
you are dealing with a reasonable person.
While turning yourself away from all that is destructive and
irrational, focus energy on personal/professional goals. Whenever
disorder is increased, give love and good will to someone who will use it well.
Thus you will be choosing your own use of energy and your own state of mind.
Take responsibility for your own weaknesses. They will become obvious
in a time of crisis, and you will have an opportunity for growth and change.
Admit minor defeats quickly and laugh at them as soon as you can.
You will lose many battles but you will win the war.
Fear, anger and sadness are essential to selfhood. No environment or
relationship is worth their sacrifice. Use them to face the challenges of your
life. Appropriate use of these survival emotions ensures that when the
struggle is over and the war is won, you will be in good health. There will be
more to you than there was before the craziness began.
Hope for vitality, creativity, truth, joy, strength, peace and love.
Know that God loves you. Know that somewhere in this world there is
someone who would understand how you feel and why this struggle is
essential for you.
Hold absolute faith in the positive outcome of this temporary
confusion and disorder.
Know that there will always be people in your world who will make
your life more challenging and difficult. Know that there will always be
opponents. Some will be persons of good will; others will be your enemies.
Never ignore an enemy or his/her actions. Stay aware and learn the
appropriate response. Each action of an opponent is an opportunity for
meaningful thought and action for a person of integrity. The outcome of the
spiritual/moral lessons gained will include self-knowledge, self-mastery and
self-enhancement. It will also be true that you will provide inspiration to
others with troubles greater than your own, and thus your discomfort will
mature into meaningful service.
Remember that your actions are part of your own self-development.
You are always creating yourself, with each act and with each decision. Thus
you must respond to others, not according to their motives or actions, but
according to the dictates of your own conscience and self-ideals.
Measure all statements for truth. Respond to truthful statements no
matter who says them. If twenty statements are made, and only one is
truthful, then respond to the truth. Be aware of the other statements, and
know that the appropriate response to them is disinterested acceptance.
To Love is to invest energy in the best interest of another person.
We are all part of a whole, and what is truly in the best interest of one is also in
the best interest of the whole. Therefore, when surviving a difficult
environment, make all responses consistent with the best interest of the
spiritual essence of the other person.
Wherever we invest energy we receive a return on that energy.
The matter receiving our investment is strengthened, and the energy
compounds and grows. Energy invested in gossip brings more gossip,
and still more energy will be invested in gossip. Energy invested in truth
brings more truth. Energy is never depleted; therefore it must be invested
wisely, in terms of outcomes desired.
Whenever a lie is spoken, turn the head or body away from the
speaker for a moment. The movement shows that you are aware of the
untruth, but affirms to your inner "self" that you do not believe or accept that
statement. Say nothing about your disagreement, unless you are dealing with
a reasonable person.
If meanness is expressed, look a few seconds into the eyes of the
speaker, then look away and address another person or issue. Your
action indicates to all concerned that you are aware, you are not afraid, but
you find their statement uninteresting and unimportant. Say nothing unless
you are dealing with a reasonable person.
While turning yourself away from all that is destructive and
irrational, focus energy on personal/professional goals. Whenever
disorder is increased, give love and good will to someone who will use it well.
Thus you will be choosing your own use of energy and your own state of mind.
Take responsibility for your own weaknesses. They will become obvious
in a time of crisis, and you will have an opportunity for growth and change.
Admit minor defeats quickly and laugh at them as soon as you can.
You will lose many battles but you will win the war.
Fear, anger and sadness are essential to selfhood. No environment or
relationship is worth their sacrifice. Use them to face the challenges of your
life. Appropriate use of these survival emotions ensures that when the
struggle is over and the war is won, you will be in good health. There will be
more to you than there was before the craziness began.
Hope for vitality, creativity, truth, joy, strength, peace and love.
Know that God loves you. Know that somewhere in this world there is
someone who would understand how you feel and why this struggle is
essential for you.
Hold absolute faith in the positive outcome of this temporary
confusion and disorder.
- © Copyright by Nancy Carter, LCSW, ACSW
| LEVEL 2 THE IMPERSONAL PERSONAL Anything that Anyone in Town Can Know You Could Learn About This at the Courthouse People with excellent interpersonal skills are good at this level, including salespersons, politicians, and church members |
| LEVEL 3 THE PRIVATE PERSONAL The Things That People Close to You Can Know This Means You Are Friends This stage requires self-restraint to avoid excessive personal revelation, e.g. about religious, political opinions |
| LEVEL 4 VALUE AND MEANING Personal Goals, Beliefs and Values Getting to Know You for Real This begins the serious test of whether of not you will want to be close to this person. This exploration should require many conversations and should precede discussion of personal hopes and dreams and hurtful past experiences |
| LEVEL 5 HOPES AND DREAMS Personal Goals, Beliefs and Values We Imagine About Happiness and Love This begins the test to see whether this person could share your life and help you fulfill your plans for the future |
| LEVEL 6 JOY, HURTS AND FEARS Our Most Private Feelings and Experiences We Deal with What Matters Most This tests the trustworthiness of the other |
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| LIVING IN A MADHOUSE WITHOUT GOING CRAZY |
| Life Seeks Light -or- How to Get the Best From the Worst TOOLS: Love Truth Humor Survival Emotions: Fear, Anger, Sadness Awareness and Differentiated Responses Self-Mastery |
To My Clients,
I developed this article
about coping when I was
in graduate school in
1977. It has been useful
to a lot of clients since
then. I hope you enjoy it!
I developed this article
about coping when I was
in graduate school in
1977. It has been useful
to a lot of clients since
then. I hope you enjoy it!