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| Thirty years ago, I lost enough weight to achieve my own ideal size and comfort level, and maintained this achievement for approximately two years. However, during those two years, I began to encounter obstacles to maintaining my newfound health and satisfaction that were primarily emotional and social in nature. Eventually I became seriously depressed, and began to regain the weight I had lost. I continued to use both eating and fatness to cope with the problems of my life, and within 25 years I had gained 240 pounds. I became seriously disabled, and eventually housebound. Nevertheless, I continued to be useful to others, primarily through my private practice as a Clinical Social Worker. During the grief and terror felt as the weight began to increase, I began to believe that my fat had a purpose for me, and that eating was a means to an end, namely the protection and anonymity that fat provided me. I decided that I would not diet again until I was sure that I could live comfortably without the fat, and therefore would be able to maintain my hard-won, much sought-after health. As I looked at the losses to my career and social life imposed by my fatness, I began to understand that the knowledge I owned about fatness and unresolved grief of childhood might be useful to others. Thus, 30 years ago, I began to accumulate personal experience and public information, so that one day, when I had finally solved my fatness problem, I would write a book entitled, Fortresses to Build and to Destroy. Twenty-five years later, in October 2000, I received Gastric Bypass Surgery. When I had lost the first 70 pounds, I began to write my book, organized as a journal of my progress and experiences. Ultimately, the organization of the book created a format that others could use to design their own journeys to recovery and wellness. During the process of the weight loss, I experienced again the dark shadows that plagued me all through my life, especially the memories of a painful childhood living fearfully in a distraught and dysfunctional family. The book hence took its form. It begins with five chapters that detail the unanswered questions and unsolved problems of my life. It proceeds into many chapters of memories of the early years of my life. Because I am a therapist, I could organize the chapters of my past into subject areas that would be useful to other troubled people. As such, there are chapters about family dysfunctional food attitudes, manipulation through use of shame and guilt, excessive childhood responsibility, sexual confusion, alcohol abuse, as well as the description of a continuous flow of physical and emotional abuse, given and received by the members of my family, towards me and towards each other. The reader can see a young child grasping for spiritual and educational remedies for coping constructively with the constant levels of stress encountered in this dangerous atmosphere of anger, tension and exploitation. Eventually the reader can see that the community provided sufficient love, attention, knowledge and encouragement to help this young child navigate successfully the difficult journey towards adulthood. However, the unexplained sources of anxiety and depression remained, particularly feelings of inferiority, fear of competition, and avoidance of attention from others. As the issues again surfaced during the weight loss, I wrote faithfully about my difficulties with adjustment, no matter how humiliating or foolish they might sound to the reader. As the book neared its conclusion, my diary notes and insights helped me understand the issues of my childhood. A gestalt was created, in which memory of events and memory of feelings finally reunited, enabling me at last to understand my life and myself. Healing came quickly after the solution to the mystery finally emerged. I was able to set the limits on family members and myself that were necessary for my health and happiness, and to proceed with caution with renewed life. Once the mystery unfolded, I could arrange the book for the convenience of the reader. Questions are presented at the end of each chapter, enabling the readers to acknowledge their discomfort over the writer’s feelings and actions, and then discover insights into their own choices and behavior. Included at the end of chapters are graphs pinpointing the exact developmental stages at which emotional pain produced specific emotional states and defensive behaviors. There is also a section of footnotes at the end of the book that describe the problems of social anxiety that have afflicted me all of my life, and that affect many other people as well. Because of the book organization, recovery support groups can use individual chapters to explore problems common to many people who carry physical or emotional burdens in their minds and bodies. This is a book about the emotional and social causes underlying the choice to maintain fatness, and the use of food to achieve that end. It is not a manual describing a method of weight loss. Every fat person knows how to lose weight; each one has lost many pounds over their lifetime. This book is about understanding the issues of fatness, developing strategies for facing up to difficult problems, and sacrificing dysfunctional self-images for the sake of renewed health and self-fulfillment. The book is written under a pen name to protect the privacy of family members who were important to the author during her childhood and beyond. All names of people and places have been changed for the same reason. However, many family members, friends, and clients know the actual identity of the author. The author will conduct book signings on request. Please contact her by email through her website at www.alexismorgan.info/ or by email at alexismorgan@cox-internet.com |
| Tell Me More About This Book. Who are the main characters, what are their relationships, and why are they important to the story? The characters inhabiting a confusing and stressful childhood include a father, mother and brother. The characters providing help and strength for growth and renewal include members of the family at large, the school, the church and the community. These family relationships, and the faulty learning involved, caused a young child to begin using food and fatness as a way of coping with unbearable stress. The external family and members of the community helped the child to develop strengths for her future life, but not for finding better coping methods of dealing with immediate family. Why will this book appeal to readers? There is something for almost everybody in this book. First, it is an interesting story about what it is like to be a fat person. Second, anyone who struggles with unresolved issues from a painful childhood will find the journey towards wellness helpful. Third, it is an interesting and compelling story. It shares emotional realities, experiences, ideas and values that are common to obese people, but that are rarely spoken about publicly. Who will this book speak to? The book will speak to all people who have struggled with fatness most of their lives, despite frequent attempts to diet and lose weight. Such people know how to lose weight, but they do not understand the emotional issues that drove them towards fatness in the first place. So long as these inner realities continue, weight will continue to be necessary to the person’s ability to cope with stressful relationships. Once they understand themselves better, become courageous enough to make sacrifices to the self-image that triggers eating responses, learn new strategies for dealing with difficult people, recover from the grief that has stalled their personal development, then they can resume effective dieting and live freely without being burdened by excess weight. The group of readers will be those people who would like to understand the causes of this struggle, such as the family members, friends, and co-workers who cope with the problems of their obese loved ones. They will learn that fatness is truly a family affair, and therefore they can participate in the remedy for this dangerous disease. In addition, anyone who struggles with an addiction problem will find this book helpful. If you can “never get enough of a substitute for what you really want,” then how do you face up to the ways that you block yourself from achieving healthy self-fulfillment? Anyone who has been unable to overcome the pain of a traumatic, destructive and confusing childhood will be helped by this book . It is about grief resolution, about beginning to learn and grow again, and about finding renewed satisfaction in living. Finally, there will be many who would like to read an interesting story about a fat person, and in the process learn something that they did not know before. |
| Reader Reviews: Journey to Authenticity Reviewer: Julie Bray, RN (Shongaloo, LA) This is a courageous account of one person's journey to authenticity. The writer's struggle was obesity, but the concepts can be interchanged to apply to anyone suffering from any addiction. I would recommend this to anyone who is tired of living with the emptiness of trying to please everyone except herself, and is ready for self-awakening. So compelling you won't be able to put it down! Reviewer: Allie Hughes, Preschool Teacher This is one of the most powerful and beautiful books I've ever read. Ms. Morgan relates her issues with food addiction back to her often traumatic childhood. I have had problems in my own life with obsessive eating and always wondered why. The questions to the reader at the end of each chapter were so helpful to me in my own discovery of this question. This book is for everyone seeking an understanding into their addiction or a loved one's addiction. It is thought provoking and so beautifully written. You won't be able to put this one down! Excellent help for those in need Reviewer: Kenneth Bridges Ph.D Professor, SAU, Arkansas This book details one woman's attempt to overcome both her health problems and her traumatic past. It is useful not just for those seeking to lose weight or overcome abuse but for those looking for their internal strength to overcome obstacles in their lives. This book is more than an autobiography, it is more than therapy. It is a journey of spiritual and personal growth for readers and how one woman found the courage to overcome the haunting memories of an abusive childhood and use that experience to help others. Something for Everybody Reviewer: N. Carter This is a book about struggle with childhood pain, the search for insight and understanding, recovery from dysfunctional servitude to others, determination to find new coping methods, anger, grief, love and forgiveness. Some of the book makes me feel sad, but other parts show me how resilient children can be, how much they are helped by many people in their communities, and how much they, as adults, have to offer to others. The author is a psychotherapist who is at times philosophical and other times prescriptive in her viewpoints about what is necessary for hope and healing. People who suffer from depression, addiction, anxiety, interpersonal abuse or anger will find this book useful. Family members of obese women will understand that fatness is a family matter, and they can discover new ways to encourage the "fallen warrior" of their family. Reviewer: Sharon Merritt Hot Springs, Arkansas I saw myself in the writer’s situation many times during the reading of this book. My mother was often unable to relate to me as an individual, and I in turn had boundary issues with my own adult daughter. I am learning to accept myself, my needs, my personal goals, my own rights and personal space, and reading this book has been one more step in a lifetime process for me. I think this book would be great for anyone who has had problems with the mother-daughter relationship. The journey towards a healthier relationship might begin with anger, but ultimately it proceeds towards hope and forgiveness. I recommend the book for anyone who has unresolved issues with a domineering or manipulative mother. Reviewer: Amy Wilson, CPA El Dorado, Arkansas Although I have never had a weight problem, I have had difficulty pleasing other people in ways that not only do not successfully help them, but which in addition, make me feel tired and depressed. It has encouraged me to learn that no matter how privileged my life might be, other people can and must solve their own problems. After reading the book, I have been able to have a new respect for the problems that other people face, partly because of traumatic experiences in their childhood, partly because of privations that I never had to face myself. Mainly the book gave me inspiration to stand up for myself and my beliefs, and to build the life that I want for myself. Reviewer: Marian Rucker, Elementary Teacher Camden, Arkansas When I read this book, I did not see the author as an adult in its pages. I saw the many six-year-old children that I see in my job as an elementary school teacher. I know that an increasing number of children are growing up in heart-breaking home situations. It is comforting to know that the encouragement we give them at school really does help them to achieve the ‘resilience’ that will enable them to live productive adult lives. Although I have not myself had a lifelong weight problem, I have had a recent problem, and the author’s description of the dynamics of overeating have been helpful to me to change my eating habits and develop healthier patterns of relationship building. I found the book to be helpful in coping with and resolving issues that have affected my life in negative ways. This is not a book just for help in losing weight, but a life help book. |
| Alexis Morgan Fortresses to Build and to Destroy: How I Recovered from Fatness and Rebuilt My Life. www.AuthorHouse.com November 2005 |
Listmania! Books That Changed My Life N. Carter Qualifications: Psychotherapist Last updated: January 10, 2006 ----------------------------------------------------------------- The Road Less Traveled, 25th Anniversary Edition: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth by M. Scott Peck $11.20 Used & New from: $3.25 The book that most changed my life 20 years ago. Everything Happens for a Reason : Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives by Mira Kirshenbaum $9.60 Used & New from: $7.51 I suggest to all of my clients that they add this book to their personal library. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey $9.89 Used & New from: $7.25 When you need a personal values check-up, try this one! Authentic Happiness : Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment by Martin Seligman $10.20 Used & New from: $7.15 This book helps us know what is most important in our journey towards self-knowledge and personal fulfillment. The Emotional Energy Factor : The Secrets High-Energy People Use to Beat Emotional Fatigue by Mira Kirshenbaum $16.29 Used & New from: $10.83 This book is so useful! How to Be an Adult in Relationships : The Five Keys to Mindful Loving by David Richo $10.17 Used & New from: $9.00 What a precious jewel! It is filled with wonderful lists to guide the reader towards healthier love relationships. The Art of Loving (Perennial Classics) by Erich Fromm $9.00 Used & New from: $3.00 Eric Fromm first declared that love is what we give, not what we get. Fortresses to Build and to Destroy: How I Recovered from Fatness and Rebuilt My Life by Alexis Morgan $26.99 Used & New from: $19.97 One Woman's successful attempt to discover the emotional issues behind her eating and fatness problems. The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz $10.05 Used & New from: $5.00 So Fine! When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith $7.99 Used & New from: $1.53 The very best book on assertiveness! Nasty People by Jay Carter $8.95 Used & New from: $2.99 All of my clients need this book, to protect themselves from others and to change themselves at the same time! Facing Shame: Families in Recovery by Merle A. Fossum $10.17 Used & New from: $1.98 It's been around for a while, but I still like this one best. Boundaries: When to say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life (Inspirio/Zondervan Miniature Editions) by Henry Cloud $4.95 Used & New from: $3.35 Nothing changes without understanding and mastering the art of setting limits. Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz $8.21 Used & New from: $1.95 The book that started the Adult Child of Alcoholics revolution. Adult Children : The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families by John C. Friel Ph.D. $8.95 Used & New from: $2.05 My clients are helped by this book as they journey towards happier family life. After the Tears: Reclaiming the Personal Losses of Childhood by Jane Middelton-Moz Used & New from: $0.01 A truly elegant description of childhood grief. Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families by Charles L. Whitfield $8.95 Used & New from: $0.50 The book that introduced the idea of the "Wounded Inner Child." The Body Never Lies: The Lingering Effects of Cruel Parenting by Alice Miller $16.29 Used & New from: $15.80 If you can't face your childhood pain, then read this before you pass the problem on to your own child. Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson $34.90 Used & New from: $33.40 A very important book, necessary to recovery of childhood grief and loss. Codependent No More : How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie $10.85 Used & New from: $5.15 The definitive book for beginning recovery from codependency. Facing Codependence : What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives by Pia Mellody $11.53 Used & New from: $3.85 Really good book on recovery from codependency. The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner Used & New from: $0.02 The book that started the healthier understanding of anger. Character Styles by Stephen M. Johnson $32.00 Used & New from: $27.84 The very best description of the origin of personality disorders. Courage to Grieve by Judy Tatelbaum $10.40 Used & New from: $0.04 The very best book describing normal grief and loss. Feeling Good : The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns $7.99 Used & New from: $2.65 Still the best thing going for recovery from depression and anxiety. |
| More of Everything |
| This blog is about learning to be happy, even if we are imperfect, even if we lack everything that we used to believe would make us feel good. It is about having less pain, less self-recrimination, less restriction, and a whole lot more authenticity and wholeness. It is about self-control without self-flagellation. It is about responsibility without shame. It is about learning to love ourselves and others with joy and gratitude. It is about living in peace with ourselves, whoever we are, right at this moment. It is about faith that we will continue to learn, to grow, and to become the person we were meant to be. It is about love, truth and courage. And it is about sharing all these things with one another. |
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www.Amazon.com
Go to the page illustrating
Fortresses to Build and to Destroy,
and Look inside the book!
Go to the page illustrating
Fortresses to Build and to Destroy,
and Look inside the book!
Table of Contents History of the Writing of this Book |